Understanding human behaviour....

People use different measures to understand psychology. Handwriting, speech patterns etc etc. Can there be other yardsticks to measure this? While i was thinking about this i came up with the most novel way of measurement. Pissing techniques. Each of us pisses differently don't we. I came across different ways in which people piss. In saying people i mean men. I have not studied women....

The shy person: This person always turns away from his neighbor in a public toilet..trying to hide his dick. An introvert.

The dreamer: This person as he is peeing is lost in his dreams....stares away towards the ceiling...unaware of any one around him

The extrovert: This person has his hands on his hip as he is peeing.....does not give a damn about where he sprays his piss...could sometimes be heard whistling as he is peeing.

The easily disgusted person: Takes a tissue with him so that he does not need to touch his dick...easily disgusted...

The peeper: He is always peeking to check out his fellow pissers size...to compare...highly insecure...

There are also some who do not fall under any of these categories...some who see the need to sit to pee...(people in veshti's on the streets)..i dont need to comment on them do i....Have i missed any?

Life of an individual...

"What are you doing"...says TL.
"Checking my mail"
"Well..good...are they the mails the onsite team sent you"
"Actually..no...they were sent by my friends"
"Friends?" says TL completely incredulous..."Don't you know that it is against company policy to use mail for personal reasons"
"Well..yea i do...i guess"
"Then please refrain from doing it then..I don't like it.." So saying TL goes away.

Poor K is shocked. He looks around and sees a lot of people looking at him. Are they laughing at his plight?Are they sympathizing with him?

"K..Join us in a meeting", TL says(orders?)
"I want you to work on this project, and deliver it in a month"..TL is saying
"K..you have to document everything that we are doing...every step...i don't like things being missed"...said in a way that brooks no argument
"Document? Everything?"
"Yes...everything....even the client infrastructure and our correspondence"
"But why those? Is it not unnecessary?"
TL stares at K, astonished, no one has ever questioned her before...

"Since you are in MY team you will do it" she says in finality and ends the meeting.

Poor K...The second shock within a month of taking this new job.

K is devastated...goes into a shell....Does not seem to be able to work...leaves work early.

Comes to work the next day and is checking mails...(Not Forwards)
In every correspondence with the onsite team, TL has an I...
(I asked my team to document the process...I have reviewed the document...MY developers are involved in coding....MY team plans for the rest of the week...)
Every where he sees an I...no our...He goes into a depression....his work is affected...

The reason K is hurt is not about the TL's persistant questioning of his work. It is about her ordering people around..About her trying to stand apart from the team...Her use of the word I everywhere...

Has the TL hurt the career of an engineer? Is this situation unique to K?
The answers are Maybe to the first and No to the second.

Every one of us face the same situations. I think the reason is the indian mentality.
Since childhood we are always expected to be apart from the group.
"You must top the class"
"You must captain your school in cricket"
"My son has scored 99.9999999% in 3 standard......The next highest is a mere 98.9998989%"
"My son started saying his alphabet at the age of 1 year 12 days....He is one of the smartest kids in our whole area"

All these conversations are common...How do we change this? Can we ever accept a person part of a group as smart...Can we ever think collectively.....


P.S: I have to say that my parents never forced me to stand apart..Was it because i was not smart enough to stand apart? (I sound like a typical Indian don't i )

Twice Blessed(?)!!

Is being blessed by two people good for a person's health. Being blessed without asking for it?On the streets?

On my way to indiranagar to meet a friend, i stop at the Sony world junction as the signal turns red. A person(in saree) accosts me and demands money(alms).
"Dudella illa ma hogi"
"Kaasu kudu, nalladagum" (He/She is a eunuch!!)
"Illa...Kaasellam illa ponga"
Grabs my dick...."Kaasu kudu unakku nalladagum".
*Stunned*....search in pocket for whatever i can find...find 10 bucks note...give it to her....
"Nee aiyyar aathu payyana...unakku nalla ponna kidaipa kalyanathukku"...releases me and goes away...*RELIEF*.....

Fast forward one week....Am waiting at the Sarjapur signal,this time in my car. A woman is crossing the street....She comes near my car...i guess she is looking to get to the pavement and turn away....She comes by my window and grabs my dick...

MARUPADIYUMAAA!!

"Kaasu kudu"...This time i dont argue...Give him/her 10 bucks
"Peeda kazhiyanum innum kudu"...search again and find 5 bucks...
"Nee aiyyar aathu payyanalliya...unakku nalladu nadakkum"...and leaves

Adi/Ada paavigala idha sollaruthukku kanda edattha pudikkanuma...

I have been blessed(fondled) twice in the past 2 weeks...can i survive the next week...

Twice fondled......

Come on be a sport!!

Is it a sport?Is it a game? It's IPL.

Damn that was a really bad catch phrase wasn't it. This is what happens when people are inspired (according to music directors), copy according to the rest of us.
Anyway i am digressing...

All the great players of the game in one league. Competing against each other. Imagine...Tendulkar and Jayasurya, McGrath and Asif, Gilchrist and Afridi. Watching each of them is a joy, watching them play together will be an ethereal experience. WOW.
This is what every sport enthusiast wants.

But is the IPL giving us this?Is it sport which is the focus? When Dhoni costs more than Ponting, then something is wrong. And what is with the amount of money being thrown around? (It is being thrown around. There is no logic to the cost of players)

Then again, should i be complaining?I mean as a sport enthusiast, if i get to see these people play in one league and it turns out to be entertaining, why should i complain?

I just don't know. What i do know is that something is wrong. My heart isn't racing. I am not eagerly anticipating the start of the league.

Limit x tends to.......

Limit in mathematics is used to describe the behavior of a function as its argument tends to some value(Wikipedia). Is limit just a mathematical concept or does it have a more generic application?

What i am trying to say is that limit is not just related to numbers and functions but is very pertinent in our lives. Behavior has a limit. All arguments have a limit. Every RELATIONSHIP has a limit.

Why is there a stress on the word relationship? Is relationship not the basic block of any persons life. Every interaction in our lives, is based on some relationship or the other. When i talk to my mother, there is a relationship, similarly, when i talk with my friends, colleagues. Why, when i am attempting to buy something from someone there is a relationship of a trader - customer between us.

And is it not true that all relationships have a limit. When i talk with a friend, there are certain things that i don't talk about. Similarly when conversing with my parents, there are boundaries. But what are these boundaries or limits? Are these limits something i have put up. Or does each relationship have such boundaries? How strong are these boundaries? Is it correct for me to say that the stronger the relationship the larger the limits?

Ee dina yaakagide......

Daily Checklist:

7.30 wake up: tick
Brush Teeth: tick
coffee: tick
bath: tick
prayer: tick
leave for work at 9.30 : tick
check mail on arrival at work: tick
read news for next hour: tick
have coffee again and spend half hour at canteen: tick
get back to desk and open development environment: tick
act as though you are working (implies chat when no one is looking): tick
go out for lunch: tick
come back and browse internet: tick
go out for coffee after an hour and spend an hour at canteen: tick
check mail and browse internet: tick
check if time is 6 else more browsing: tick
6 o clock: leave for home
6 - 10 o clock: do nothing and still keep occupied
10 o clock sleep: tick

This is my daily routine. If i was a very vibrant person how would i write this? Let me try....

"Trrrrrrrrrrringgggg" "Trrrrrrrrrrringgggg" "Whaaat the....." Oh that is the alarm ringing. Great, is it 7.30 already. I get off the bed and stretch. Drawing the curtain, i let light enter the room. What a wonderful morning. The sun is shining and the world looks a wonderful place. I brush my teeth and go downstairs. Mom has a cup of hot coffee ready. Coffee, what can i say about it. Coffee vitalizes a person. It is nector, it is alcohol, it is everything, and the most important thing in a person's day. Have a hot cup of coffee the first thing in the morning and your day is never going to spoil.

The newspaper has nothing interesting. There are a few photos of girls in skimpy clothes. Ogle them. It is 8.30. Oh well, bath time. Finish bath, finish prayer, have breakfast and get ready as fast as possible to leave for work.

Ahh Work. Wonderful place.

"Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing." --Theodore Roosevelt

I am a software engineer and love what i am doing. It is my passion. I was asked in my introductory meeting with the director at my first workplace and i told him that my passion was to write code in C#. Yes it is true. That is my passion.
Today, i have to design and work on a truly wonderful idea. The managers at my workplace want to generate some reports to view the performance of the employees. So they have decided on a template. I am supposed to design and work on the code to generate this report. The wonderful part in this project, is that they want it to be configurable. In future they may decide to change the format and don't want to change code to generate report in the changed format. Wow, what a challenge. I go about looking at the DB. All the data i need are present there. The DB design is ready. I go ahead with the code design, and decide to use XML to make the report configurable. I am so engrossed in the design that i do not check the time, until my friend comes up and tells me it is time to leave. With a heavy heart i leave work. Somehow my day seems incomplete. I reach home and still can't get my mind off my project. Mom has coffee ready. Coffee, wonderful. What better tonic to get your spirits up. Have coffee, something to eat and go upstairs to my room. Listen to music and chat with friends for some time. Mom calls at 8.30 for dinner. Finish dinner, watch the TV for around half an hour and then go to sleep. Need to wake up early, have unfinished work at office......


P.S: I did not make that comment about passion. It was a friend who joined that company at the same time. And no, i do think about my projects at home( actually i don't even think about them at office)

Kaadalle idellam sagacham appa...

The servant enters the room, to clean it. She has a look around the room. Stares at the computer screen for a couple of minutes. Sweeps the room and leaves quietly. The two boys at the computer, so intent on their work, do not know this. Such dedication, their mothers would have been proud of. Well, not exactly. You see...they were watching porn.

These two boys had met a few months back, at school. While talking one of them mentioned that he had a computer. The other had access to porn. What a coincidence. If this was not orchestrated by god what is. These friends introduced each other to their mutual friends. Thus was born a friendship which lasts to this day.

Theirs was a friendship like any other. Meet on weekends. Eat out. Discuss problems. Play Cricket. Tease one of their friends( he was an enigma this guy ). Well, life was wonderful for them. They felt that this would last for ever. Youth, and their dreams. Does anything last forever?

One of them fell in love with a girl. He had to balance his love life and the friendship. Initially he could manage it. As time passed he found it tough. He found himself at crossroads. He had to make a decision. He decided to devote more time to his love. This did not sit too well with one of the guys in the group. He felt it was wrong on the part of this guy to distance himself from friends for the sake of girl he just met. And, lets face it, he had a proper argument. Thus was cut the first spoke in the wheel of this friendship.

The friendship was strong. They set out to prove that no dent was going to stop the wheel from rolling full speed. They still met each week, had fun and life moved on.
Seasons flew by, they finished school, took jobs, all the while with the friendship staying strong. Then another guy in the group fell in love. He too initially maintained time for both love and friendship. He too reached a crossroad and had to make a decision. You know what decision he took?

KAADELLE IDELLAM SAGACHAM APPA


The irony is that this is the same guy who objected to the first person devoting more time to his girl.

Insight into the mind of.....jikatokuaririmedorinkashi

In the year of 1982, on a stormy night, a baby was born. Normally, the first thing a baby does when born is cry. Our baby just said... yo!. Since then there has been no holding back. As it was growing up, the baby astounded the medical fraternity by using words that they had never heard.(Actually most of the words do not exist). The medical community could not explain this astounding anomaly. And so was born the PRODIGY.

When man is unable to explain certain things, he attributes the behavior to supernatural effects. The same thing happened here. There was no sane man on this planet who could explain the behavior of the anomaly. He was a living enigma. Everywhere he went he turned heads(away..not towards) him. There was none who could hold an intelligent conversation with him. He was beyond the comprehension of the common man. Undeterred he attempted to reach out to the common man. Not by learning their language...no...not such a normal route for this enigma....he tried reaching out to them by teaching them the language of the enigma.

It was during the year 1998 that i first met the enigma. My life up to that point had been one of satisfaction. I was not a very bright person, it is true, nor was i dumb. But all that changed within a span of seconds. "Hey Amigo!....amidst lapping duh race called LIFE... juz stoppin here for a while to educateya folkz bout me". Those were the very first words that the enigma spoke to me. Astonishing. At that moment i knew, without a doubt, that my life until then had been a failure. I decided, at that very moment to record every word uttered by the enigma and make a book out of it. This way the wisdom of the Enigma would not be lost. And with great humility i can now claim that i am one of only 5 people in the world that can make sense of the enigma.

I would like to use this blog as a means to educate people so that when they meet the enigma, they can try and understand what is being said.I shall continue as and when time permits.

As the enigma would say
lotza peaz & love

Mangalyam tantu naanena........

Tenali rama, one of the ashtadiggajas, was a great poet. He was known for his brilliance as well has his wit. Kalyanarama on the other hand is no diggaja and is certainly no poet(he calls himself one though). What then relates the two.
Absolutely Nothing.

Ok then, lets get to the story of kalyana rama. Kalyana rama has had a lot of dreams. And that is what they remain, dreams. When in school he dreamed of being the school rowdy. He never was. He dreamed of being a ladies man. All the ladies wanted him as a brother. Well the list goes on and on. Lets just say that every one of these dreams is a failure.

kalyana rama is also an avid throw ball watcher. He and his friend Sapat rama used to watch every match played in school. Well, not the match but the girls playing them. Normally, this would not be a bad thing. I mean, it is not wrong to admire a beautiful person. We all do it. These guys on the other hand used to admire the clothes worn by the girls(not the visible ones). Having done all these, kalyanarama has the nerve to call himself a budding vivekananda.

Marriage is a subject close to kalyana rama's heart. He is kalyana rama after all, isn't he. Kalyanam = marriage. It is so close that he cannot stop thinking or talking about it. He is on the verge of getting engaged to a girl. The only catch is that the girl is studying and cannot marry right now. It could take a year or two. Kalyana rama was skeptical about this arrangement. But Mantravadi, good friend that he is, asked him not to worry and promised to look after the girl like his own wife.

Ahh friendship...draws a drop of blood...(back le red light)

The Divine One

There are times in my life when i feel i would not measure up to expectations of my parents. These expectations are not related to progress in life. I have not done a lot in life, but i have not been a failure either. And my parents don't feel so either. No, the expectation is not related to my work, education or any of those mundane things. The expectation is to match up to THE DIVINE ONE, Mantravadi.

Who? Well the guy i mentioned in one of the earlier posts. One of the 6 stars. Why is he so great? Who the hell says he is great. Not me.(Psst...don't tell my parents about this).

I was talking to a friend about this blog and he told me not to write anything bad on this blog about Mantravadi. Well i shall quote him -
"Avaray patri nee edavadu tappa ezhyudinayo oorle irukkum maami ellam unnai tedivandu kuzhi tondi pudhacchuduva"
Well basically it means that if i write anything bad about this guy, my life is forfeit.

Mantravadi is not a saint.Yes...until now the stuff said about him might make him seem a saint, but he isn't one. But the impression he has created among the older folk in bangalore is of a saint. My aunt tells me that he is an amazing guy. The reason? He knows all the mantras. So?? So he is a good guy. And i could not get her to change her opinion. In fact i was labelled an idiot, for trying. Yea, i know you feel for me. But that is life i guess.

I have seen Mantravadi do stuff that have been shocking. He has passed comments at girls that would cause a strong heart go weak. He has ogled girls. He has been to lap dances, live bars and what not. He utters profanities that curdle even my blood. And i am no saint.

What then is the reason women find him so innocent? I have absolutely no clue...

Ahhh.The Pain...The Pain

Have you ever been in a situation where the pain is unending. Every second you bleed. I have been in that situation. And quite regularly actually.

I shall be frank, I cannot bear pain. I turn red at the sight of blood. I am not brave.
I might sound less manly saying this, but it is the fact isn't it. It is not because of a medical condition that this happens. No, it is because of a certain passion a person connected to me has. He is a real sadist. Every weekend he and his friends get together. And they talk. Normally, this would not be a bad thing. But, he has a friend. A real mean spirited person. Some of the things he says, bring blood flowing out of me. This is not all. This person(who is connected to me, not the friend) has a weird fetish for songs that touch his heart(or so he says). While he is listening to his songs, it is i who suffers. These songs touch all the wrong nerves in me. And i start to bleed. I have absolutely no control over this. It is the goddamned truth.
Oh, the ignominy....

When people talk of me, it is to ridicule me. I am not spoken about in the so called upper circles. Why? because they consider it ugly. What am i supposed to do. Who am i supposed to complain to. No one cares about me. Do you know why? Well because i am the arse.( Tamizh le soothu. kannadadalli tika.)

The 5 Element

After the wonderful introduction(it was...I say so) to Mr.KK, let me today introduce Mr.GG. Yes, GG after KK doesn't seem creative. You might think that i could not find a better name and chose this. Well, that would be wrong. I had chosen GG long before KK was born(meaning, the name KK was chosen. KK is a very old guy. He has kids in kindergarten).

Anyway, enough of KK. Lets talk about GG. The name GG is short for Goofy G. G is variable and goofy is a constant. G can be gaandu, gube, and basically anything that starts with G.

Why call him Goofy in the first place, you might ask. Well to people who watch cartoons, GG looks exactly like Goofy, best friend to Mickey Mouse. And looks are not all. There are other issues with him too. Ok, if i asked each one of you who was in your first wet dream, what would be the answer.
If you are a guy, you might say Angelina Jolie, and if you are a girl, you might say Brad Pitt. Well goofy is not like us. He is in fact beyond the likes of normal men. I put the same question to him. Can you guess his answer? Well, he said Minnie Mouse. Minnie Mouse?? How could we not call him goofy after that.


And no he doesn't mind that name. He absolutely revels in it. And, yea sometimes he barks pretty loud. Seriously.....or was that a fart....Hmmn

The 6 stars....

Good morning people( somewhere it is morning isn't it)

Well, today i am going to introduce you to 6 really unique characters. (they might not be imaginary). And as the days go by, i will write about the activities of each of these 6 guys.

For the sake convenience let me call them by the following nicknames - KK, GG, Mantravadi, Kalyanarama, Basha, Arnold.

Each of these names have a history. Some are funny(Well at least one is) , all of them are apt.
Let me explain how these names came about.

KK is short for kaikeya kunjumoon. Why call him so? Well, because that is what he is. To understand this name you will need to know a bit of tamil, kannada and english. Ok, let us dissect this name.

Kai + Keya = kaikeya. Kai in kannada is hand and Keya is to fuck. So kaikeya is one who fucks with his hand. Still don't get it??Well then you can call him wanker. Now to the second part of his name. To understand this you need to know a little of tamil. Kunju in tamil is dick. And moon is.....well the Moon. Ask him and he will say that he has the longest dick in the world( Actually no...dont ask him...he will still tell you, the pervert). That is why he has this second part to his name. He has a dick that reaches the moon. KUNJUMOON.


Damn. That took a lot of effort. Need to rest, before i burn out. Well, fear not, i have not forgotten the other characters........

Naan Rajnikanth illai.

Finally.

To choose the name of a blog is difficult. I mean really difficult. I made it more so by trying to seek help from friends. One friend, (lets not call him goofy) told me that it had to mean what i am going to blog about. The other( Mantravadi ) told me that it needed to have a punch. So i had to choose a name that meant something and had a punch? Naan Rajnikanth illai.

So after a lot of soul searching, i settled on nenjinezhuthu. Nenjin ezhuthu is an effort to touch the hearts of people. It sounds grand, doesn't it. Well it is.

Waake waake i think i have roused myself for a long enough time.

As my friend(the not goofy one) would say,

Peaz & Lovez